She had just successfully dozed off, which was no mean feat, when she felt someone poking her. She pretended not to notice. However as it persisted, ignoring it obviously wasn’t going to work. She pretended to be in one of those fits of sleep, when one is unconscious of physical movement. Julie turned rather violently and with a big moan, which she felt characterized deep slumber, she slapped at the perpetrator. She then quickly nestled back into sleeping position and she was finally glad that for once being asleep on school property was working in her favor. Through cracked eyelids she caught sight of Alice Braider, her 12 year old neighbor. A red haired, freckled face, brat
Please, please go away! Julie thought to herself. Alice Braider was notorious for being a busybody. She was always into other people’s business and Julie had no desire to explain whatever gaps were left in the “why” of her present predicament.
Julie determined at that second prodding that Alice Braider would not have the satisfaction of waking her up. So she continued to sleep as she was poked again and again and again. By this time Julie was seething and pretty sure she had at least three bruises, maybe four. Determined that she would have her revenge she continued to pretend to sleep. When she had gotten a pretty good idea of Alice’s poking rhythm she waited and as Alice Braider reached her hand out once more, Julie reached up quickly and grabbed her, slowly turning so that she was face to face with the little punk.
She had just successfully dozed off, which was no mean feat (appositive), when she felt someone poking her. She pretended(participle) not to notice. However as it persisted, ignoring it obviously wasn’t going to work (participle). She pretended to be in one of those fits of sleep, when one is unconscious of physical movement. Julie turned rather violently and with a big moan, which she felt characterized deep slumber (appositive, absolute), she slapped at the perpetrator. She then quickly nestled back into sleeping position and was finally glad that for once being asleep on school property was working in her favor (participle). Through cracked eyelids she caught sight of Alice Braider, her 12 year old neighbor(appositive), a red haired, freckled face, brat(adjectives out of order).
Please, please go away! Julie thought to herself. Alice Braider was notorious for being a busybody. She was always into other people’s business and Julie had no desire to explain whatever gaps were left in the “why” of her present predicament.
Julie determined (participle) at that second prodding that Alice Braider would not have the satisfaction of waking her up. So she continued to sleep as she was poked again, and again, and again. By this time Julie was seething (participle) and pretty sure she had at least three bruises, maybe four (appositive). Determined that she would have her revenge she continued to pretend to sleep. When she had gotten a pretty good idea of Alice’s poking rhythm she waited and as Alice Braider reached her hand out once more Julie reached up quickly and grabbed her, slowly turning so that she was face to face with the little punk.
I'm a little confused on the absolutes. Help would be appreciated!! Thanks.
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You have a great use of the appositive, “her twelve year old neighbor” and the adjectives out of order that follow it. These extra details and descriptors really contribute to the feel and imagery of your writing, as well as adding to the humor.
ReplyDeleteactually, that appositive ("her twelve-year-old neighbor" is followed by another appositive "something something brat." If you left off the noun "brat," then you'd have adjectives out-of-order behind "neighbor."
ReplyDeleteSorry, the other strokes are incorrect--mainly because they are part of the main clause. We'll talk more about this in class today.